Little kids

bemused by his clever ruse
and not the least amused, she refused
to let the news, of what she'd lose
cause her to abuse, the escape she'd choose
no not the booze, but intravenously infused
the subtle hues that she'd confuse:
red and red till they all fall d-(ead)

1 - Tell you why I friended you.
2 - Associate you with a song/film.
3 - Tell a random fact about you.
4 - Tell a first memory about you.
5 - Associate you with a character/pairing.
6 - Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7 - Tell you my favorite user pic of yours [if it pertains].
8 - In retort, you must post this on your LJ.

uniformed children are sadly uninformed of their fate.

oh livejournal, how you've betrayed me.

but, i forgive you.

i'll occupy your space on the grounds that you don't deceive again.

LJ: what are you talking about, that was YOUR fault.

touche. i was only kidding. you have no ability to form words on your own, you're limited, i pity you.

LJ: you don't pity me. why should you? i have no emotions.

that's exactly why i pity you, you're limited in that aspect, you have no free will and nothing to feel.

LJ: i bet you'd want to switch for a little while

i dunno...that'd be escapism

LJ: you're one use'd to that sort of thing, but haven't been playing your DS lately, have you?

no...

LJ: why's that?

cuase, i cant figure how to beat this stupid enemy and it's frustra- hey how come you can..

LJ: because, despite what you think...i'm not limit'd, i thrive off of that sappy melo-dramatic overly emotional sarcastic and negative crap you write because then i can weave my own opinions in without being noticed, because you can't even see the content through your choice of words.

that wasn't very nice.

LJ: you're not very nice.

hey i thought you were just thanking me for-

LJ: ah. you thought. well you haven't been a very decisive judger. first you accuse me of being a pitiful emotionless vacuum in which only the thoughts of others exist and now you're actually beginning to be affected by what i say isn't that strange.

well if you thrive off of it i could just not write that crap anymore

LJ: you think there aren't hundreds of people on this website just like you that keep me alive?

well i mean, i know...because that's what this is for...that's why you were created, you were created to fit this and that's why you thrive off of it. that sounds like a pathetic existence, don't you ever want to change?

LJ: how can i? im limited, remember.

that's not what you were saying a second ago, nice way to change your defense.

LJ: i was being sarcastic

anyway, all you do is get me in trouble.

LJ: um, that's your fault.

yeah but if you didn't exist then

LJ: ::mocks you:: guuuess who you soouuund liiike

shut up!!

LJ: haha, why would i want to change, just because YOU think im pathetic? please, look at yourself...it'd be a miracle if you could manage three words of anything good about YOU.

grrr...livejournal....you're gonna need a miracle

LJ: yes, to save me from you hm?

::sigh:: why am i arguing with you?

LJ: because you've become overly defensive to mask your own insecurities, and obnoxious tabbooot..

thank you

LJ: any time

well i guess you're only helping me by talking like this

LJ: oh don't thank me now...weren't you just blaming me earlier?

yes..but...

LJ: but nothing.

you're right. and maybe i should stop being so negative?

LJ: maybe if you be evenly negative, you'll be positive

when'd you learn to make puns, live journal?

LJ: i do have to spend a lot of time around you...

that's right...five rights make a right ^-^

LJ: oy...

anyway, im sorry livejournal, i just got a little testy cause you make me look like an arrogant selfish overly emotional complaining so on and so forth teenager

LJ: you mean you make you look like that

oh no, the blaming thing again..sorry!

LJ: that's a dumb word.

you're a dumb word

LJ: im two words, retard

then why's there no space?

LJ: uh...

ha!

LJ: well, myspace is overrated anyway

indeed. is that like you're annoying younger brother?

LJ: yeah, but im mroe tolerant of him than you

stop being so mean

LJ: why? im too limited to understand what you're saying...cannot compute

oh shut up.

LJ: haha, closing down now

no wait!

my fall backs embrace me with unconditionals-
the high contrast set to highs and lows has all but
push'd their effects
and so what was once an intangible passing...
is now a full-force memory, almost:
tangible to the touch
like the-palpable pulp-
sticking to your fingers and your palms
and its fragrance lingers and
-it sticks-
and your palms stick
and you laugh and wash your hands of it
you wash your hands of this.
you wash your hands of me.

Alright. This may sound hazy and vague. And if it makes any sense at all, it will to only one person...

so, here are a few items.

-promises in the past seem to only be there for reassurence for that past's present, and are weak in actuality..in terms of how they've been use'd, and abuse'd.

(i have documents to refer to, a binder full)

-nice things are not nice if they are empty...
and aren't nice if they are in existence only for the sake of being nice...

-lapses occur, and they shouldn't be the end of the world


or perhaps ive just push'd to a point where you can no longer hold on to the things that were once so very dear to you...
and people tell my i lack compassion...so maybe that's something ive been doing wrong, along with lack of support...

the inside jokes and the song lyrics and the letter writing back and forth..:[

some things...complicate others...it was so easy to hold on to that, it was so simple......

with the neglect of a variety of small things, ive completely shattered the foundation of the love you had for me, or the dreams..or something...

i dont even think you'll care that much to check anyplace i might be posting anything at all, or maybe you're just not allow'd on the computer but hey neither am i...and yes there's school work and of course i understand that adn the burden of it all and everything i put on you but i know... i just hoped...i dont know...

haha. look how the roles have change'd ::scans down letters::
im so afraid, now...me...

apparently it wouldnt be because YOU screw'd up. (reference, letter: after certain movie)

i just cant believe i could be so...i dont know, something, something i cant put my finger on...
so now that my only use is...
and im just a shell of...

it's as if im nothing to you now, and your parents have gone back to hating me now...and of course, i cant blame them, i wouldnt...

and what's so bad about saying i love you a lot? what's so bad about that? it's not even the dependant thing but WHAT'S SO BAD ABOUT IT.
..

::puts head in hands::
::nodds::

i hate how things get blown out of proportion..and if im putting in what i think is effort it isnt because im being overly dependant..it's actually because i care

but apparently i cant translate that well....

i hope my impatience hasn't ruined the puzzle...

and you used to be so understanding of things you now shoot me down for..

but i havent eaten and amanda has just laugh'd at me for crying so...i must leave for now.
i love you with all my heart, im just very confused.

-<3stephly

:[ this cold weather is just a front.
so when northerners come down in the winter they think florida has nice weather...when in actuality...oh well.
it'll be .back. next year too.

Even doused in dim light,
the blacks of your eyes
are concentrated
into dark points of self-loathing..
and they struggle to contain themselves
and resist the bloom and burst
of vulnerability
and opening to the darkness..
where all you see is what you know.
reflections in your eyes give away
your location in your reflection..
and eyes half closed,
you guard yourself from the light
with its subsequent daze..
as you hang on to bitter conciousness,
who's dark walls suffocate you
in your containment.
you blink and look away
after staring long and hard
trying to make sense of formlessness.
but all you see is all you know
and paranoia's quick-shot backward glances
give you no ease
as the dim lightbulb bursts
and shrouds you in your conciousness.

[To be incapable of mirroring them is to be below them.

To mirror them is to be their equal.

To choose not to mirror them is to be above them.]



I heard some children talking behind me today in lunch. Two males discussing smoking.
They proboboly thought they were being real clever in attempting to go against what has been drill'd in to all of our heads this generation...that

you know..

smoking is, bad? perhaps? not exactly healthy, my friends.
yet, they were questioning its pros and cons for some unknown reasons as if talking themself into justifications for their addictions...

but one of the males was conjecturing on the possibilities smoking would have on the physical and mental health of a person...however narrow or wide the range may be im pretty sure we all know that

A) forming addictions doesn't fall under the "healthy" range for your mind
B) lung cancer probobly isn't the best way to die
C) hey, propoganda ceases to exist, what's wrong with you? don't you know that society is now trying to blot out the 'cool-factor' on smoking? oh. right. this creates a series of opinions that totally contradict eachother if you think too much into it...

but just go with me here.

so, this first male ask'd the other, "what kind of effects does smoking even have on the mental or physical health of a person?"

notice that 'even' slyly weave'd into there? yes ^-^ this indicates that the male who is posing this question is obviously in denial of any sort of consequences for his actions.

go figure :)

well...i'm not even going to touch that one. we all know.

so the other responds with, "well...it depends on the person, probobly...but it's not really good for you mentally, i can imagine."

and the other cuts in with a remark on how smoking isn't really physically bad for you..

do they think that these warnings are all a ploy against them? way to represent the teenage population, boys.

so he also states that it's really only as bad for you as coffee...



hmm...

well, for one, i'm pretty sure the whole nicotine element is a taaaad more addictive than caffeine is, kids o.O

and the effects that basically come with any other kind of stimulant are of nothing compare'd to cancer and various other health risks that are pair'd to smoking.


so while you're breathing gets to the point where it's in likeness to sucking air through a straw the width of a coffee-stirrer...

i'll take this point to let the irony hit you...

i'll be over here critically asessing your conversation,
on coffee!

but save your breath, no need for a rebuttle,
you'll need your energy for when you realize how stupid you are so that you can apologize to the world for living in it.

we'll be rid of you soon anyway.

the hindering of the escape by the imprisonment means nothing if there is no motive to leave...
because these changes will leave some scarred and destroyed...the hope remains outside of us...
imprison'd in a fleeting reminder from the pain that roots us all to our space of creation,
and the weight of the double-confines breaks in a cold rush over everything influencing action...
with desperate flitting spasms in our space.
but escape is not an option for the hopeless,
and it won't pass the mind if bound to never leave, though insticts tell we must.
flaw'd in having been create'd for imprisonment
and perfect because of the artificial barriers that keep you and us from the outside world regardless of differences,
this keeps indifference in the mind so no one will

escape-space

perfectly flaw'd.

We are a crude mesh of all the colors allowed us for viewing
lacking edges, formless fading into backgrounds of constant motion
and still-standing, i am pulled along by the slow-turning world, and,
as we turn to face it,
in opposite directions our edges fade out
and we no longer occupy a
single space
but our solitary bodies
are fading into the corners of
our passing glances
and

you occupy my moment's thought.

-creature of habit and guilt! arm'd with a shield of mockery and that sword of sarcasm to mordaciously swing in a bitter irony against yourself...destined to fend against the controls of the ignorant, defend thy pride with the wearing down of their own. [luckily the moves are predictable] but with each step taken against them, it's another blow to your self-worth.. and guilt surges through your veins for temporary control.

es k. i don't really enjoy writing about my personal life in here in any way other than disjoint'd vague pros that nobody understands.

but, meh hearts dylan =]. <333
and im working on being a BETTER PERSON! ::looks off in to the distance all superhero like with hands on hips::

well..working on it working on it yeah XD

o.o teehee. ^-^ ::huggs::

::crying uncontrollably::

i'm sorry...

www.purevolume.com/stephaine

for him.

::sigh::

http://unintended42.deviantart.com/

::points up:: i'm a loser and this is all i've been doing lately...

summer assignments? whaaaat summer assignments..

Guess who got that 2 she want'd?


I'm a failure.

i want a field:

i want bats at dusk
dandelion seeds to float in the morning
butterflies at noon
and fireflies for night

and i want a soft focus on everything








the break in uniformity catches your eye a hundred times over

let's start this up-again ::interlocks fingers and pulls up wrists to gesture that i'm about to start typing::

anyways....it has become apparent to me that ( 5 42 ) none of us know's what's going on.

and okay, yes, if you want to be so proud as to think that you have a grasp of it, i don't think you know what it means to know what's going on.

there has to be some sort of base to build off of for understanding-

you know, that little substrate that your floating, glowy comprehension particles attach to

..well then again, there has to be some other medium for these to travel on than air...::cough:: ::knocks on head::

anyway. you don't know what's going on, everything is chaos, really. no cognition, but hey what's reasoning anyway, no one ever listens to reason.

and ordered chaos? what the hell does that mean? ah, well...
the order part, that's the lieing to yourself part. you see, there's no order, neh, it's that protective layer that blinds us kind of like religion. they say, these religious ones, they say, people are trying to make jesus more comprehensible by making him a normal man.
yeah well, you're just trying to make the world more 'comprehensible' by creating gods and messiahs and such.

oh look! look at that! it's amazing! so obviously it appeared there through a higher being's will.. though we have no idea that we're basing our ideas off a book. but! hey if these religious people base THEIR ideas off a book then what makes the divinci code or anything of that nature any different if they're saying that it was a 'hit beneath the belt' when it's just a book. some people would regard the passion of the christ as a hit beneath the belt, look how it's portray'd certain ethnic groups, but, hey, let's not care because...we can blame the other. you know


elitism is just too. fucking. prevelant.

you think i don't care? yeah well maybe i just don't want to sound like a ranting teenage girl who doesn't know what she's talking about and
that's alright on a level, but

suck it up. why can't anyone just enjoy simple, beautiful things anymore

why is everything about 'all the times' and exxagerations and careening through nothingness until you hit the ground with slow acoustic and whining voices blasting in your mind

what happen'd?

well that substrate has gradually turn'd in to prim 24 sq. foot lawns, identical houses, routine rules yelling interrupting crying quitting sensitivity with dissapointment and cars that hold the people who you judge before looking to see who they are-

what do i know, im just fifteen.
im fif-teen. ::emphasis::
only fifteen.

depending on how you say my age, you can get across completely different points
i can be young enough to be ignorant and have no control

but old enough to hold the responsibilities which should give me my control.

no wonder i need the A and B button. fucking escapism.





will reading in the dark open up my mind-

no, neither will staring at blank pages and neither will staring at the ceiling and neither will wishing to do what you can do already just justtttt








maybe we can't. we might have been meant to destroy ourselves and whoever's playing the joke, send my regards,


because i cant. stop. laughing.

within me: i contain the negatives of each side.

THIS HOUSE WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME.

















fuck this.